Nothing In My Hand

me as a toddlerBoth my palms are empty,
There’s nothing in my hand.
You have turned your back on me,
And I can understand.
I’ve let you down I think,
I am only guessing,
But it seems that you are angry,
And have withheld your blessing.

I cannot see up there,
But I guess your back is turned.
I’ve caused your eyes to look away,
For the lessons I’ve not learned.
I stand here wretched,
It’s your mercy I am needing,
But it’s far from my presence,
And my wounded heart is bleeding.

I’ve nothing in my hand,
Foolishness instead of skill.
But I’m desperate for your touch,
And I only want your will.
With nothing in my hand,
I stand here in shame,
Knowing it’s audacity,
To even call your name.

But despite the gulf between us,
The eyes that look elsewhere,
I’m too poor to be offended,
I have no strength to care.
So I will sing to you,
As long as I shall live,
And while I worship you my Lord,
I hope you will forgive.

I’ve nothing in my hand,
No wisdom in my head,
Nothing in my purse,
No sleep when I’m in bed.
But there’s a song in my heart,
Despite wanting to die,
So I’ll rise above my feelings,
Knowing that you’ll pass by.

(By the way, if you hadn’t guessed, that’s me as a wee lass of 18 months old)

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10 thoughts on “Nothing In My Hand

  1. There are definitely times I can relate to those words. Thank you for sharing. I love that baby picture! What a beautiful and precious child!

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    • Thanks. I was only 18 months when this was taken. When I wrote that prayer today, I really felt like a helpless child with nothing to give, totally dependant on her father. I guess it’s not until we are stripped of everything that we can be of any use coz in our weakness, he is our strength. It’s one of those trying times when everything above feels silent. But it’s in these seasons that God moves through beautiful people like you, who are there to encourage. It’s a comfort to know that we can all share our heart. I’m happy that it blessed you xx

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      • Thank you, Sharon. I just happen to be going through a tough time too lately, which could explain why your poem meant so much to me. I have gone to our pastors wife for support and she really helped a lot, but I am still left feeling a bit ‘raw’ somehow. Being menopausal doesn’t help. ha ha. Hormones and I have never gotten along very well. Anyways, sending you a big hug. Take care, sister. You are loved and I appreciate sharing with you too. xo Debbie.

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      • Bless you, I felt when I wrote it, that it wasn’t just for me. I’m sorry that you’re in the valley at the moment. I hope I can help be one of the rungs that lifts you up out of it – if even it’s only by prayer. I guess that’s the great thing about praying in the Spirit – I don’t need to know any facts, because he does and will intercede through me on your behalf.
        What you said it home to me again the importance of loving our children unconditionally. What I do or don’t do now, will have an effect on her way into her old age. I see it in my mother, as unfortunately her mother was neglective and plain wicked at times. It put a deep fear and insecurity inside her which makes it hard for her to relax at times.

        I hope that if you haven’t already, you will gain the strength to pen some of your experiences, not to dig up what’s already been buried, but to comfort other people who may not have the advantage of knowing about the importance of forgiveness, nor knowing they have a heavenly father who can heal their wounds.

        I’m sure God’s using you already, but I feel you’ve got loads more to give in this area, as you’ve got a lovely, gentle spirit and I can see his hand is resting upon you, despite the pain. It’s in this season of tears that he can bring the best out of us, and as you quite rightly said, some wounds will not be fully healed until we see him face to face.

        Just do things in your own time, as slowly as you like. If even your story’s/stories help one person, you’ll be so blessed by that.

        Ive got a song in my head which I think may be for you. Jason Crabb’s ‘The God of the Mountain, Is The God Of The Valley’. He’s one of the young Gaither singers. I will see if I can find it on YouTube and I’ll post it onto a blog. Take care xx

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      • Thank you, dear Sharon. Your kind words have indeed brought comfort to my soul. Thank you so much for your prayers, especially praying in the spirit. I need to do more of that. I have wanted to share about my life, but still feel it’s too soon yet. I am not against it and will do so one day. I have this “mickey mouse” blog that gets a whole 19 followers, and wonder if it will ever really get off the ground when I know so little of the blogging world. One day, God will hopefully do something more with it and me, if I can get past a few hangups. I am looking forward to hearing that song you mentioned too. I know God loves me and I have never felt any other than that from Him, but too many times I have been disappointed in myself. How do you post a you tube thingy on your blog, for instance? You are pretty sharp, I see. …………. Before I forget, I am praying for a friend for your darling daughter. Will you give her a hug for me? ………….. Thanks again, Sharon, for your kind words and fellowship. You are a real sweetheart. God bless you abundantly in every way. Debbie.

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      • Mickey Mouse? Definately not! Your blog is amazing. Like I said when I posted a comment on there yesterday, you are an amazing advocate for GFA and I’ve learnt so much about the plight of these dear people already. You communicate to the reader in a compassionate, informative way and what makes it so great is that you are not trying to be anyone else – you are just lovely you.

        I can’t wait to read more of your articles (to me, the word ‘blog’ is for idle chatters) and you are helping me develop a real love for these people.

        As for 19 followers, that is 19 more people being blessed than there would have been if you didn’t take the time to share your heart. Am I one of them? I hope so – please forgive me if I haven’t yet joined the crew – I certainly mean to.

        Be encouraged dear sister that we often rate success by the things that mean nothing to God. If you had just one follower but your articles where changing their life positively, that would be far more credible than some popular writer who knows how to ‘manipulate the system’ and gather hundreds of followers who they never ever communicate with or develop a friendship with.

        Some people have over 1000 Facebook friends but when they are in sorrow, not one is around to be their support.

        So… I do believe that your blog HAS got off the ground and is affecting more people than you realise.

        You made me laugh about the ‘sharp’ bit. I am so non-techy and hate it when the computer plays up. I can’t even edit an Excel spreadsheet without getting mad. The YouTube link thing is so easy and that’s the only reason I am able to do it.

        I will explain it to you in another message when I send it.

        I can’t find the one I was looking for. I found a video of him singing it but his facial expressions are distracting. He usually cries when he sings it, but he’s in a live crowd that is affecting his concentration. But I will send it to you anyway as the words are so comforting.

        Lastly, thank you for your heartfelt prayers. It is really appreciated. Im pleased to say that Sarah has a few friends now and more importantly, some church friends, but it would be nice for her to have more influential Christian friends who will be long-term. At present, her close school friends are having a big negative influence on her and her mood and attitude is significantly altered. It’s like there’s a spirit of rebellion rubbing off onto her. I know all kids go through that, but this is definitely coming from the time she is spending with certain children. So, I am really grateful for the love you have poured out for her at God’s feet.

        Gosh, I talk a lot!

        So I’d better sign off now 😊
        Enjoy your day tomorrow xx

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      • Hello Sharon. So very nice to hear from you and thank you for the insightful encouragement. You are right, of course, and I should not be so short sighted. I will remember what you have just said, and read it more often too. Thanks again. xo …. I am happy to pray for your daughter. When my kids were in their teens, I saw them pick up attitudes that weren’t good also. I made the excuse for them that they were in their teens, so what else did I expect? I was wrong. They had friends from good Christian homes, but that still didn’t make any difference in their rebellion then or later. You are wise to nip it in the bud, very carefully. I will pray about that too. Parenting is such a delicate balance of wisdom, discipline and love. Not an easy task when there are so many other forces at work in their young lives. I used to blame myself for a lot of my teen and adult kids choices too, but the fact is they get to a certain age and they care far more what their friends or spouse thinks than they do of their parents. I truly wish I had built a much stronger foundation with my children while they were more easily influenced. Loyalty can go a long ways when their young hearts are firmly yours. Just a thought, dear friend. ……………. As for the techy stuff, you may not think you are ‘sharp’, but you are more “with” the techy stuff than I am. Thankfully, WordPress sent me an e-mail telling me how to do a video and you-tube thingy on my blog, so one day I will try that. You will be spared that chore. If they are reading this, they will likely roll their eyes at my very non-technological terms like ‘thingy’. Sheesh! Well, you are a doll. I must say, it would be fun to have tea with you one day. Too bad we live so far apart. …… God bless you, Sharon. Have a great week-end building a strong foundation of love and loyalty in your family. It is not too late. xo Love you sis! Debbie

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      • Tea would be great!

        You never know, one day the Lord might arrange it that we meet up or bump into each other somewhere 🙂 What corner of the country are you residing in? You don’t have to tell me here, I can send you my email address if you like. All you do is when you receive it on your blog, you copy it down then refuse to approve the comment so that it doesn’t get published. (I didn’t think of that all on my own 🙂 my more-techy -than-me WP friend Cobwebs, thought of that.)

        Thank you for your treasured parenting advice – it has been well received by me and I thank the Lord for introducing us! To me, that is a precious gift.

        Wishing you a very blessed day and a fabulous weekend.
        love, Sharon xx

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      • Hello Sharon. I am so happy that I can bless you in some way, and yes, it would be better to communicate using my personal email address. Mine is actually on my website, and I do believe you ARE a follower. 🙂 I purposely didn’t put my home address on my blog, so I appreciate your idea too. If we can communicate via e-mail, that would be better. I would love that. ……….. Thanks to you, I decided to do a blog today on our earlier conversation. I don’t know how much help it will be, but I do have some thoughts on it all. You are a gem. My own kids aren’t interested in learning a thing from me for too long now. I am pleasantly surprised that someone else is! Thank you. xo …………. So, if you look at my last blog, you will see the tabitha e-mail address and you are welcome to chat to me from there, if you like. Hugs, Debbie

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  2. Pingback: How To Not Scream At Your Keyboard | Light-bites For Your Heart

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