For those of you who are fans of ‘One Foot In The Grave’ you’ll remember the grizzly episode where Victor, Margaret, Mrs Warboys and that funny little man who lives next door, went on a trip to the woods. It ended with neglective care workers being planted in a field, forced to act as scarecrows, but do you remember the part where the four of them find a van and collapse inside it for some rest?

Well this poem was written, inspired by what happened next. It was so funny that when a poetry competition came up with the title, ‘The Reason We Are Here’ I instantly thought of the scene when they all awoke to find that two of them could not move.

I’d love to be a fly on the wall to observe the outtakes of this funny comedy. How Annette Crosbie who plays suffering Margaret, keeps such a straight face throughout the scenes is beyond me.


The Reason We Are Here

“Let’s paddle in the river.”
You said with childish glee.
Now, we cannot move,
And you are joined to me.

We sat down and put our legs,
Deep into the water.
Now my knees are stuck together,
And adhered to you my daughter.

The reason we are here,
Is because we don’t read signs.
We are too impetuous,
We saw no warning lines.

We ignored the symbols,
Showing matchstick men in ‘mud’.
Looking like they were surrounded,
By a yellow grainy flood.

So, next time we go paddling,
Caution shall be my intent,
For daughter, we put our legs in,
A pool of wet cement