Yesterday, I woke up feeling really miserable. Low. Scraping the valley floor. A large black cloud loomed over my head with the intention to stay, unless I mustered the strength to shove it away.
I could hardly move my head, let alone, speak. The thought of getting out of bed and facing the world seemed too daunting and I just wanted to close my eyes and let life pass on by.
I didn’t even want to think about all the duties due to be performed that day and even the easiest job seemed overwhelming.
But I didn’t want my daughter to see me all teary, so I let her out to play then ran upstairs and fell at Jesus’ feet, sobbing. *His Holy Spirit who was sent to comfort us, felt a million miles away and God felt like he was looking in the other direction.
Eventually, it was time to do my pile of ironing which over the years, I have grown to love, after detesting it with a passion. (I’ll talk about that one day)
As I started on the first shirt, I felt awful but I recalled a scripture from the Bible which says, **“My God shall supply all my needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” I needed peace. I needed emotional strength to perform even the most mundane of tasks. I desperately wanted joy to return to my heart, for I knew I did have much to be happy about. So I thanked him that he has everything I need to get through the day. And I asked for those things, boldly.
I then thought about the verse that says, ***“This is the confidence that we have in him, that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know he hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions we have asked of him.” I pondered on the ‘according to his will’ bit. To me, that meant if I ask for something that he’s already told me he desires me to have, then he won’t hesitate to say ‘yes’, and give it to me.. Well I knew he told me to ask for wisdom in the book of ****James. And he told me to ask for peace, comfort, and for the joy to be restored when we are down in the dumps.
For me, at that point, it was wisdom I needed the most. I needed to know once again how to be the person he called me to be. How to rise up and kick away that black cloud, or better still, reserve my energy and just to tell it to go.
I am feeling better now. No dramatic, flashing lights of inspiration have zoomed into the room and swept me off my feet. I still feel a little tearful and had another mind-battle this morning, but I’m thankful for God’s love letter to me (the Bible) that I can turn to in times of need.
This gloom and doom all began when I had a dream the night before about something that upset me, which then escalated in me feeling rather sorry for myself.
It occured to me again that it’s in the good times that we need to store up his promises in our hearts because when the bad times suddenly hit us, we have no strength, vitality or zeal to grab the word of God and start searching for answers to our problems. It needs to be in us already. We need plenty reserves so that when we can’t muster a prayer or form a logical sentence, we can draw deep inside and find a promise that will get us through the day, victoriously. Those two verses were what I needed at this point in time. Without wisdom, I don’t think I could be joyful, or at peace or strong or hopeful, I needed first and foremost the sense to know how to put up my shield of faith so the arrows of guilt, hopelessness, despondency and anxiety, can bounce of the shiny metal and rebound back to the voice it came from.
The Bible also calls God’s word the ‘Sword of the Spirit’ because when we use it properly, bringing it forth upon our tongues and speaking it out against our situation, the devil fears and flees. No more silly voices in my head telling me I’m a failure, I’m useless, it’s all hopeless. Because He lives, I can face today… and tomorrow.
* John 14:18
** Philippians 4:19
*** 1John 5:14-15
**** James 1:5