the sight of this can be unbearable

For those dear ladies who are considering adoption, I hope that you can come to terms with the fact that for you, it is not a second best option, but the one God laid on your heart. That you are doing a very admirable thing by making the choice to give a child or children a loving family and the knowledge that they were wanted enough to be taken home permanently.

And for those other ladies who simply cannot bear the well-meaning advice of people telling you to stop trying and look into adoption or fostering, I hope you can accept that you do not need to endure guilt for feeling like this. It is not your fault that there are millions of boys and girls filling institutions around the world , with no hope in their heart that their situation will ever change.You didn’t cause it and there is nothing wrong in wanting to conceive your own baby, even if you’ve tried hundreds of times.

Know that you are loved. God has a plan for your life.

Broken wish

Every time she saw a big tummy,
She put a hand upon her own.
She’d waited nine years for a child.
Empty arms made her feel alone.

Then one morning, she felt quite queasy,
And her skirt was feeling tight.
The white stick then confirmed it,
And she was laughing in delight.

Six weeks later, she went for a scan,
For her history wasn’t great.
With three babies already buried,
They needed to check the date.

The nurse looked for a flashing light,
The heartbeat could be seen!
It looked like a little triangle,
Jumping up and down on the screen.

Two months later, the pains were bad.
She doubled up into a ball.
Gripping the chair, she shouted.
But nobody heard her call.

In the hospital, she muffled her screams,
As the perfect form lay in a dish.
No kicking legs and no cries,
Confirmed another broken wish.

She leant over and touched the body,
“You’re early.” She said with much grief.
This was beyond what she could bear,
As rivers of tears flowed in unbelief.

With numbness, despair and rage.
She cried, “How could God be so cruel?
How could people say he is loving?
He who trusts him is a fool.

No cute soul to hug and kiss
No mini me to touch,
I’m not a greedy person
And I didn’t ask for much,

God turned and said, “I love you.
Don’t blame me for this plight.
When you weep, I hold the bucket,
As you sob all through the night.

I want to help and be your comfort,
I see that your heart’s red raw.
You assume I have my favourites,
And that I care for others more.

If you turn your heart back to me,
You’ll see it’s never too late.
I want to be your best friend.
Don’t despise me for this fate.

Come run to me my daughter
I forgive all of your hate.
And the day you take your last breath,
Your children will be at the gate.

But if you do not arrive
Because you hardened your heart
You’ll never ever meet them
And you’ll always be apart

You see, you’re already a mummy.
Conception produces a soul.
But sometimes they go straight to Heaven
Where my hands make their bodies whole.

They are being well looked after,
And can’t wait to give you a kiss,
So please turn back to me my daughter,
This is something I don’t want you to miss.”